i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
