I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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