i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
