Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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