On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
