Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
