How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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