i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
