The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
