Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
