who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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