well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
