i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
