CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
