Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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