what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
