just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
