You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
