Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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