After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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