I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize