My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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