At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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