Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
