apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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