The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
