I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
