I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
