Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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