I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How naked do you want me to be?
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