I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
