I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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