Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
