I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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