These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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