Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
