also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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