if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
