His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
