I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
