I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is it penis luge time yet?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
