The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize