just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
