I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
