youre lurking in front of me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
