I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
