my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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