Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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