When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
