Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
