is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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