when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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