well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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