dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
