I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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