My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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