haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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