Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
