end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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