Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
