Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize