Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
